Will winter last a lifetime?

Ahh! Finally, the snow on the mountains is back and so is the winter wear. Is it me who finds it a big hustle to put so many layers in a day just to protect myself from bone piercing cold? Every day I come out from the bath, shivering head to toe, making sure I don't effing drop the towel and be destined to be a frozen piece of the human race. Sometimes, I feel like counting my hair on my arm, each one perfectly standing up, evenly separated from the other.

Did you just look at the mountain outside? She said.

I tried to answer over a phone call, holding my phone against cheek and shoulder, managing to draw the curtain aside, while my leg struggles to get inside the jeans.

Yeah, it's wonderful I said, after finally being able to button my jeans up. Let's start layering up my second half of the body, I told myself. I'd put on three layers already and was still looking for the muffler, to wrap my neck around it...!

Are you even listening to me? the bleak sound from my phone got heard. I had almost forgotten about the call and the phone was lying on the quilt.

Yeah yeah, I am all ears to you. Was just busy getting dressed for the day.

Dressed?, She asked me over the phone.

Yeah, I mean just for the usual day. Same old jeans, same old faded jacket and...

Yeah yeah, I get it! She replied. Does she even listen to me? I thought in my head.

I soon reached my office, greeted a few people, and headed straight to my seat. The heater...yeah the heater! The only savior for you in all the cold moments, literally and metaphorically.

I gazed at the rods while they changed their color from being gray to orange, and the smell of dust getting burned away.

Long time yeah? I talked to the heater. The warmth he provides is unconditional. No questions, no interrogation. Simply, it gets turned on to provide us with the much-needed warmth. I wish humans were like that, simple, machine and knowing the real purpose of their existence. We all get rejected someday somewhere out in this world. Just like we ignored the heater all this summer, but now he is just back into our lives and will stay there until the earth changes its axis again. The feeling of dejection and rejection is hurtful. Would heater be feeling the same that way? Now I feel I would be a nonliving thing, which people put to use as per their convenience and I don't get to question them, raise an eyebrow and be completely silent about my feelings just like a heater.

Sometimes, we just forget to love ourselves and build a deep connection with ourselves. We forget to navigate through our lives happily and sail wonderfully through. We may find answers to our questions one day. But the rejection will always hurt. Will we be ever enough for anyone? Or to ourselves? Will we be getting a warm treatment all through our ups and lows? Will we ever be happy? Will we ever stop chasing happiness? Will it ever be inside us? Will we ever learn to love ourselves?

No matter how much longer we sit in front of the metaphorically available heaters. The heaters in the real world don't work as the other ones do. They just don't have that on-off button. The heaters in real life come with all the struggle and effort you put into. So next time if someone put you back to the covers and place you on one of the top shelves. Just remember, there will come a day when you will be needed, wanted, and sought after. Till then, don't forget your worth just because the season has changed. Remember, the winters will be back, the layers will be back, and the snow will cover the mountain tops again. Then my friend then will be the time you will be back and be a part of their lives again. Then they will come back to you, again and again, seeking all the warmth, ignoring the cold way they put you aside. I know you will forgive them because you missed them as much as they didn't miss you. You will again lean back and listen to the cold lies they are going to tell you, hear all their stories while they crack up those groundnuts, tell each other lies.

This time do remember that they will again shut you off. I just hope, you accidentally turn that one rod off on a cold chilled night, for them to know what it's like not be to fully there!

Happy winters, Happy reading!

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the_overthinking_vet